Mar 02 2008
1. Kill someone famous: this one is easy: the laws of physics say that fame cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, if you kill that person, most of their fame will go directly to you!
2. Play the lottery every day for the rest of your life: sure youâ€™re 250 times more likely to get hit by lightning, but you have a chance! Now I know what youâ€™re thinking, â€œMy name will just be in the newspaper and thatâ€™ll be it.â€ No thatâ€™s not it! With money, you can do anything. Therefore, you use your money to go to as many celebrity parties as possible, get as many celebrities drunk as possible, and sooner or later youâ€™re Kevin Federline with a pregnant Britney Spears making McDonaldâ€™s commercials and rap albums. My momma always said: â€œIf Federline can do it, you can to.â€
3. Be persistent at something nobody else would even think of doing: Think of Perez Hilton. Nobody on Earth wanted to be that ugly, wear hideous clothes, die their hair shades of neon, and kiss the asses of scum like Paris Hilton and half-retarded celebrities FOR FREE. But he did it and look where he is now!
4. Beat your kid on camera: First of all, for those of you who think this doesnâ€™t apply, read number 2, or beat someone elseâ€™s kid! And to make some money off it, make a big scene about how youâ€™re â€œsavedâ€ and start a â€œnon-profitâ€ against child abuse. Make sure the video of the beating circulates on Youtube and once you get a healthy number of donations, the embezzlement party begins!
5. Exploit a cute little boy or girl: This one can work two-fold, you can beat the child and use his cuteness. Think of Elian Gonzalez: thousands of Cubans emigrate to Florida every year and we never hear anything about them. But finally when a cute one comes along, heâ€™s world famous! If you have a cute kid put him in a vulnerable position-bonus points if he has to be saved by the government-and you, as the parent benefit! Again, you can use this to start a â€œnon-profitâ€ as in number 4.
6. Post something crazy, stupid, humiliating, or dangerous on Youtube: This is easy: Chris Crocker.
7. Form a cult: The easiest way I could think of doing this is going to a mental hospital and proposing your cultish ideas to every one there. Iâ€™m sure youâ€™ll get some followers. Now you have to make your cult do crazy stuff. One thing I thought of is that your cult must go every Sunday to a sushi bar and eat there naked. If the manager tries to kick you out, do some crazy stuff like spells on him and just cause a scene. Eventually youâ€™ll get famous, but try to do something thatâ€™s funny and wonâ€™t put you in jail.
8. Be as big a hater as possible: Go to anything and everything and hate on it. You can hate on Youtube, on a local television news camera with a sign in the back, on a celebrity, on a church, anything. Most important is to hate on something everyone else likes. This has worked for Simon Cowell, Lewis Black, almost every rapper, etc.
9. Ruin a professional sports team: See Steve Bartman.
10. Create an interesting blog: Just be persistent and write about something that every one would want to read. We all like to waste time online, so why not waste time on you?