If you haven’t seen this guy, he hosts Man Vs. Nature: A show that teaches you to survive in the wild, from a first person perspective. Basically, Bear goes into the wilderness with a knife some clothes and manages to survive off whatever he can find. It would be more realistic, if the camera crew wasn’t following him the whole time.  Surviving in the wild isn’t that same if you have people with you that have cameras and are fully equipped for the environment. As viewers, we have no idea what Bear Grylls does when he’s not commentating; he could be relaxing in a nice spa and film segments of his show. I don’t doubt that’s what he does, because there have been reports out there that he’s a total fraud.

Besides the reality of this show, it gets really repetitive fast: Bear Grylls says almost the same things in every episode. Whenever he has time, he’ll tell you a story about how someone died in the wilderness, and how he’ll teach you how to avoid that. Watch one episode and count how many times he says “JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO”…

This guy has a raccoon fall through his roof and chill on his refrigerator.

Yeah.

Animals are so badass. They don’t have to follow any rules, including the law of gravity.

Barrel roll dog doesn’t care.

Raccoons can fly

Raccoon will destroy your home.

Pelican don’t care about your roads

This guy is a freaking pro at origami. It’s all original stuff too; he didn’t get a “Do it yourself” origami book and learn how to make a paper toilet!

[Check out his gallery]

Yeah.

What happens next, the world may never know. But hopefully that car was unlocked; if not, then that guy better hope that bear only wants to hug.

Yeah.

It used to be that the grey squirrel was the king of the London parks, scaring red squirrels into going after the nuts the grey squirrel didn’t care for. Now a mutated black squirel has appeared and is changing the rules. The new black squirrel has more testosterone, making it faster, stronger, and more aggressive. In some places the black squirrel now makes up 50% of the squirrel population and is threatening the extinction of the red squirrel. Female squirrels prefer the black squirrels sexually (once you go black you don’t go back…to red…squirrels) and they are expected to eventually take over much of the squirrel population of Europe. Looks like red squirrels are getting screwed by the long (black) dick of evolution.

Sewer Drains > Ducks.

Yeah.

This guy in Texas decided to steal an 6 foot alligator and put it in his car. Fortunately, he was caught by a state trooper, before he was eaten. Come on guy, what can you do with an alligator?

The trooper told Eyewitness News that William Johnson found the gator in the road near Angleton and loaded it up into his Buick Regal, then broke into a house in Brazoria.

DPS Trooper Steve Stanfield explained, “From my understanding, he tried to get a big screen TV out of the house. He couldn’t get it in the car by himself, so he recruited a neighbor, who, when he saw the alligator, dropped the TV and said, ‘Alright, I ain’t got nothing to do with it.’”

View the story here.

Yeah.