What a cute gun.

As if this fat man wasn’t hurting society enough (eating excess amounts of food, causing disgust to every passing citizen), he is now wasting Floridian tax money.

“A hankering for special sauce at his neighborhood Subway led a Jacksonville man to dial 911 - twice - after the sauce was left off his spicy Italian sandwich.

Reginald Peterson, 42, told officers he called the emergency number so he could have his subs made correctly, according to a police report. A few minutes later, he dialed 911 again to complain the police weren’t arriving fast enough.

Peterson walked into the Arlington sandwich shop about 7:45 p.m. Thursday and ordered two subs - a spicy Italian with everything and a chicken breast. When he discovered the spicy Italian didn’t have sauce, he demanded that it be corrected, according to a police report.

Employees told police the burly construction worker became belligerent while a sandwichmaker was working on his order, then went outside to call 911 “so that the police could have his sandwich made to his specifications,” the report said.

“We put everything that he asked for on it, and he comes back hollering at everyone,”

…

Cause all you need is a paperclip.

Yeah, so if you have lost any property lately check out the nation’s biggest lost and found box.

http://www.missingmoney.com/

Seriously, how does somebody lose property or money? Sounds like a big scam to me, pay a membership fee to join and find your lost millions; maybe you had a long lost uncle that was a pirate, and left you a bunch of gold coins. Maybe.

The real comedy here is that people actually use this service. I wonder what they find?

Yeah.

What other way to show your appreciation for fast shipment than saying you’ll protect them in a shower.

Yeah.

Then Lego cufflinks are for you. Pick up a set of these and you’ll be good to go:

If that’s a little too geeky for you, don’t worry. Limited Monopoly editions are available too:

www.WhorePresents.com

www.ExpertSexChange.com

www.PenisIsland.net

www.TheRapistFinder.com

www.PowerGenitalia.com

www.IPAnywhere.com

www.CummingFirst.com

www.SpeedoFart.com

www.GotAHoe.com

This guy in Texas decided to steal an 6 foot alligator and put it in his car. Fortunately, he was caught by a state trooper, before he was eaten. Come on guy, what can you do with an alligator?

The trooper told Eyewitness News that William Johnson found the gator in the road near Angleton and loaded it up into his Buick Regal, then broke into a house in Brazoria.

DPS Trooper Steve Stanfield explained, “From my understanding, he tried to get a big screen TV out of the house. He couldn’t get it in the car by himself, so he recruited a neighbor, who, when he saw the alligator, dropped the TV and said, ‘Alright, I ain’t got nothing to do with it.’”

View the story here.

Yeah.

Que. I’m 19 and I think I’m addicted to masturbation. I masturbate so much that blisters and cuts are forming on my penis. The cuts are really beginning to hurt; it’s even painful to walk now. Can you help me?

…