This story actually makes me smile. To think that two people could be so happy together with so little means there is something good in this world. This must be a great girl too…look at the guy’s face…look at the reception…Coke and no food?! Who cares! We’re married!!!

Imagine this when your boyfriend comes home to the trailer in the evening after a long day at work:

Hick Wife: “Honey how was your day at work?”

Hick Husband: “Good…just got arrested again.”

Hick Wife: “Aw honey what for this time?!”

Hick Husband: “Put mah pubes in a man’s steak…”

Yeah…

This girl is the reason every person on Earth hates Americans…she is truly a waste of a life.

So, who came up with this brilliant test?

“What can we do for a manhood initiation test?”

“Put ants on our hands!”

I can see why these people haven’t made any advancements in the last 2 million years…

This is pretty funny…

Are you lazy as f*ck?

Are you rich as f*ck??!

I have just the thing for you! Jatech, another useless company making useless shit has made disappearing car doors! This is great for people that can’t open doors…and if you can’t open doors you shouldn’t be driving…but anyway! I’m sure this amazing product will be consumed by every person like this guy here:

Here it is!

Homefront is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping people rebuild their lives. I saw these Youtube videos and really couldn’t help but laugh. These videos are suppose to be serious and help stop violence directed toward females. But whoever directed these videos really went too far: They are so extreme that only a fool could believe the scenario could be real. Watch these two videos.

 

Who does this? Oh, thanks for the coffee, but you SPILLED IT! I’m going to kill you in front of everybody. Seriously, if you go that nuts over spilled coffee I don’t know how you are able to have kids. This is a perfect example of how Homefront tried to take a domestic violence video to the limit, and failed.

 

You got the wrong percentage? Well that’s the last straw. Now you’re dead. I don’t even care if I go to jail: You deserve death, because thats clearly the wrong number. I’m right, you’re wrong cause I’m a guy and you’re a woman.

 
These videos really exaggerate domestic violence to the point…

Ever walk down the street, while texting somebody, and hit a pole? I’ve never personally done that, but I’ve  almost fell off an escalator before while texting. London apparently has a lot of people that get distracted–while texting–and run into poles. Whats their solution? Pad the lampposts with a mattress type material. I think this is pretty clever, but how careless are people getting?

Somebody needs to invent an infrared radar necklace to warn people, before they do careless things like running into lamps.

Yeah. 

So according to a very useful study worth the thousands of dollars average sex is between 7 and 13 minutes. Supposedly women like it shorter (the sex) while men like it longer…no idea what crazy people they studied. So far all you guys lasting more than 13 minutes, GO SEE A DOCTOR!

Related to this, for you crazy people that not only have sex, but also use cell phones, stop now. Another brilliant study says a cell phone may cause a reduce in sperm count, although they cannot find a relationship as of yet…cell phones are baby killers.

And don’t think I would forget the people who feel left out with this story. If you’re poor and don’t have sex…you’re life sucks…but there is a solution! The answer is homemade sex toys…

Send a text to every in your phone book, set to vibrate, and have a good time!

Those are Jell-O molds that are supposed to look like boobs…if you’re a girl you can mold something else!

Either a pumpkin or a melon, and no mess! Also a…

Sometimes people love their consumer goods so much, that they look for a way to give back. What’s a better way to show appreciation, for your favorite product, than idolizing it on your car? I can think of no better way.

How can I show the world my love for Newport’s? The whole world will know you love smoking Newports, if you put giant Netport stickers on your car, while having obnoxiously large wheels. Mission accomplished.

This car sponsored by Ronald McDonald himself. There 26” Rims sticker on the window, so you know McDonalds doesn’t play around. But the only Big Mac’s in this car are the fully auto Mac-10’s, and don’t even ask for fries. Ba da ba ba baaa I’m loving it…

Chester the Cheeto eating cheetah is sponsoring this car. Look at the owner enjoying his favorite snack, while representing it to the fullest. Now everybody knows not to mess with your Cheetos.

We got another Cheeto’s fan! Cheeto’s must be doing something right.

I found the website of the most amazing, wonderful and extraordinary man today; his name is Ghanzarya Shandaharo. In fact, he is so amazing that in his biography page it states, in three different paragraphs, how he survived a rocket explosion. When a man writes about a rocket explosion three times, he means real business. Also, not only did he survive the “big [rocket] explosion”, but also an earthquake. Now I can understand a rocket explosion, but surviving an earthquake? Come on, this guy is Amazing, with a capital A! Call Chuck Norris, we have a challenger. Click here to visit his site.

 

His voice is so rough and rugged that he made an audio clip to prove it to you. In this Mp3 he talks about sleeping on the floor cause that’s what real men do. From now on, I’m sleeping on the floor with only a blanket because Shandaharo does: It’s part of his training.


 

Obviously, Ghanzarya Shandaharo is a real man, no wonder he survived: With a voice like that, you cause the earthquakes.
Quoted directly from his biography:

“Ghanzarya Shandaharo grew up

…

This guy is about to show you a racquetball trick; it requires Newton’s third law of motion and a racquetball to the face. The trick is to hit the ball against the wall really hard, and also at a low angle. You have to make sure you smash the ball: With friction you’ll lose some energy and you want to get the full-ball to the face- experience. The actual magic comes when the ball comes back from the wall, and comes in contact with your face: The result of this trick is lots of pain. Believe me, getting hit with a racquetball doesn’t exactly feel like getting hit with a snowball. I’ve gotten hit before and hurts really badly; racquetballs are pretty solid with little elasticity. Anyways, check this amazing trick out.

 


 
EPIC Failure

 
This video is a good demonstration of why I don’t like playing racquetball, even when it’s actually played versus another person rather than your own face. You have to have a good sense of direction and where you…

1. Kill someone famous: this one is easy: the laws of physics say that fame cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, if you kill that person, most of their fame will go directly to you!

2. Play the lottery every day for the rest of your life: sure you’re 250 times more likely to get hit by lightning, but you have a chance! Now I know what you’re thinking, “My name will just be in the newspaper and that’ll be it.” No that’s not it! With money, you can do anything. Therefore, you use your money to go to as many celebrity parties as possible, get as many celebrities drunk as possible, and sooner or later you’re Kevin Federline with a pregnant Britney Spears making McDonald’s commercials and rap albums. My momma always said: “If Federline can do it, you can to.”

 


 
3. Be persistent at something nobody else would even think of doing: Think of Perez Hilton. Nobody on Earth wanted to be that ugly, wear hideous clothes, die their hair shades of neon, and kiss the asses of scum like Paris Hilton and half-retarded celebrities FOR FREE. But he did it and…