1. Kill someone famous: this one is easy: the laws of physics say that fame cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, if you kill that person, most of their fame will go directly to you!

2. Play the lottery every day for the rest of your life: sure you’re 250 times more likely to get hit by lightning, but you have a chance! Now I know what you’re thinking, “My name will just be in the newspaper and that’ll be it.” No that’s not it! With money, you can do anything. Therefore, you use your money to go to as many celebrity parties as possible, get as many celebrities drunk as possible, and sooner or later you’re Kevin Federline with a pregnant Britney Spears making McDonald’s commercials and rap albums. My momma always said: “If Federline can do it, you can to.”

 


 
3. Be persistent at something nobody else would even think of doing: Think of Perez Hilton. Nobody on Earth wanted to be that ugly, wear hideous clothes, die their hair shades of neon, and kiss the asses of scum like Paris Hilton and half-retarded celebrities FOR FREE. But he did it and…